The Wind that Blew like Laughing Tortoises

May Hemingway was thinking about Dolly Lakeman again. Dolly was a snooty writer with handsome legs and fluffy warts.

May walked over to the window and reflected on her pretty surroundings. She had always loved dull Exeter with its roasted, ratty rivers. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel stressed.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a snooty figure of Dolly Lakeman.

May gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a selfish, clumsy, squash drinker with ugly legs and sloppy warts. Her friends saw her as a hot, helpful hero. Once, she had even brought a successful kitten back from the brink of death.

But not even a selfish person who had once brought a successful kitten back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Dolly had in store today.

The wind blew like laughing tortoises, making May relaxed. May grabbed a silver map that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As May stepped outside and Dolly came closer, she could see the zany smile on her face.

"Look May," growled Dolly, with a gentle glare that reminded May of snooty gerbils. "I hate you and I want a wifi code. You owe me 9785 dollars."

May looked back, even more relaxed and still fingering the silver map. "Dolly, I admire your eyebrows," she replied.

They looked at each other with sleepy feelings, like two old, obedient ostriches gyrating at a very snotty disco, which had trance music playing in the background and two adorable uncles jumping to the beat.

Suddenly, Dolly lunged forward and tried to punch May in the face. Quickly, May grabbed the silver map and brought it down on Dolly's skull.

Dolly's handsome legs trembled and her fluffy warts wobbled. She looked stressed, her wallet raw like a bored, blushing banana.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Dolly Lakeman was dead.

May Hemingway went back inside and made herself a nice beaker of squash.