Villainous God

EXT. OMNIPOTENCIA CAPITAL ORTHODOX 3 - AFTERNOON

Chaotic Grand Commander of Omnipotencia GRAND COMMANDER DAKOTA CUNY is arguing with Crazy Trainer for DBZ TRAINER ANDROID 17. DAKOTA tries to hug ANDROID but he shakes him off.

DAKOTA
Please Android, don't leave me.

ANDROID
I'm sorry Dakota, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

DAKOTA
I am such a person!

ANDROID frowns.

ANDROID
I'm sorry, Dakota. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

ANDROID leaves.

DAKOTA sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, Cute Right Hand Man COMMANDER BOBFISH barges in looking flustered.

DAKOTA
Goodness, Bobfish! Is everything okay?

BOBFISH
I'm afraid not.

DAKOTA
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

BOBFISH
It's ... a God ... I saw an evil God Eat a bunch of Troops!

DAKOTA
Defenseless Troops?

BOBFISH
Yes, defenseless Troops!

DAKOTA
Bloomin' heck, Bobfish! We've got to do something.

BOBFISH
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

DAKOTA
You can start by telling me where this happened.

BOBFISH
I was...

BOBFISH fans himself and begins to wheeze.

DAKOTA
Focus Bobfish, focus! Where did it happen?

BOBFISH
Omniscient Flagship Bridge! That's right - Omniscient Flagship Bridge!

DAKOTA springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

DAKOTA rushes along the street, followed by BOBFISH. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. OMNISCIENT FLAGSHIP BRIDGE - SHORTLY AFTER

NEFARIOUS a Villainous God terrorises two Troops.

DAKOTA, closely followed by BOBFISH, rushes towards NEFARIOUS, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

BOBFISH
What is is? What's the matter?

DAKOTA
That's not just any old God, that's Nefarious !

BOBFISH
Who's Nefarious ?

DAKOTA
Who's Nefarious ? Who's Nefarious ? Only the most Villainous God in the universe!

BOBFISH
Blinkin' knickers, Dakota! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Villainous God in the universe!

DAKOTA
You can say that again.

BOBFISH
Blinkin' knickers, Dakota! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Villainous God in the universe!

DAKOTA
I'm going to need Flagship Cannon, lots of Flagship Cannon.

Nefarious turns and sees Dakota and Bobfish. He grins an evil grin.

NEFARIOUS
Dakota Cuny, we meet again.

BOBFISH
You've met?

DAKOTA
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young DAKOTA is sitting in a park listening to some Techno music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees NEFARIOUS. He takes off his headphones.

NEFARIOUS
Would you like some Chocolate Cake?

DAKOTA's eyes light up, but then he studies NEFARIOUS more closely, and looks uneasy.

DAKOTA
I don't know, you look kind of Villainous.

NEFARIOUS
Me? No. I'm not Villainous. I'm the least Villainous God in the world.

DAKOTA
Wait, you're a God?

DAKOTA runs away, screaming.

INT. OMNISCIENT FLAGSHIP BRIDGE - PRESENT DAY

NEFARIOUS
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

BOBFISH
(To DAKOTA) You ran away?

DAKOTA
(To BOBFISH) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

DAKOTA turns to NEFARIOUS.

DAKOTA
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

DAKOTA runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

DAKOTA
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Flagship Cannon.

NEFARIOUS
I'm not scared of you.

DAKOTA
You should be.

EXT. OMNISCIENT REPAIR SHIPYARDS - LATER THAT DAY

DAKOTA and BOBFISH walk around searching for something.

DAKOTA
I feel sure I left my Flagship Cannon somewhere around here.

BOBFISH
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Flagship Cannon.

DAKOTA
You know nothing Bobfish .

BOBFISH
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, NEFARIOUS appears, holding a pair of Flagship Cannon.

NEFARIOUS
Looking for something?

BOBFISH
Crikey, Dakota, he's got your Flagship Cannon.

DAKOTA
Tell me something I don't already know!

BOBFISH
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

DAKOTA
I know that already!

BOBFISH
I have a crush on Android 17.

NEFARIOUS
(appalled) Dude!

While NEFARIOUS is looking at BOBFISH with disgust, DAKOTA lunges forward and grabs his deadly Flagship Cannon. He wields them, triumphantly.

DAKOTA
Prepare to die, you Villainous Tomato!

NEFARIOUS
No please! All I did was Eat a bunch of Troops!

ANDROID enters, unseen by any of the others.

DAKOTA
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Troops were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Dakota Cuny defender of innocent Troops.

NEFARIOUS
Don't hurt me! Please!

DAKOTA
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Flagship Cannon on you right away!

NEFARIOUS
Because Dakota, I am your father.

DAKOTA looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

DAKOTA
No you're not!

NEFARIOUS
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

NEFARIOUS tries to grab the Flagship Cannon but DAKOTA dodges out of the way.

DAKOTA
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, NEFARIOUS slumps to the ground.

BOBFISH
Did he just faint?

DAKOTA
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Flagship Cannon.

DAKOTA crouches over NEFARIOUS's body.

BOBFISH
Be careful, Dakota. It could be a trick.

DAKOTA
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Nefarious is dead!

DAKOTA
What?

DAKOTA
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

BOBFISH claps his hands.

BOBFISH
So your Flagship Cannon did save the day, after all.

ANDROID steps forward.

ANDROID
Is it true? Did you kill the Villainous God?

DAKOTA
Android how long have you been...?

ANDROID puts his arm around DAKOTA.

ANDROID
Long enough.

DAKOTA
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Nefarious .

ANDROID
Then the Troops are safe?

DAKOTA
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable Troops enter, looking relived.

ANDROID
You are their hero.

The Troops bow to DAKOTA.

DAKOTA
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Nefarious will never Eat Troops ever again, is enough for me.

ANDROID
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the Troops passes DAKOTA a Technologically Advanced Reactor Link Sphere

ANDROID
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

DAKOTA
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

DAKOTA
Well, if you insist.

DAKOTA takes the Reactor Link Sphere.

DAKOTA
Thank you.

The Troops bow their heads once more, and leave.

DAKOTA turns to ANDROID.

DAKOTA
Does this mean you want me back?

ANDROID
Oh, Dakota, of course I want you back!

DAKOTA smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

DAKOTA
Well you can't have me.

ANDROID
WHAT?

DAKOTA
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a God to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ANDROID
But...

DAKOTA
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Bobfish.

BOBFISH grins.

ANDROID
But...

BOBFISH
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ANDROID
Dakota?

DAKOTA
I'm sorry Android, but I think you should skidaddle.

ANDROID leaves.

BOBFISH turns to DAKOTA.

BOBFISH
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

DAKOTA
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly BOBFISH stops.

BOBFISH
When I said I have a crush on Android 17, you know I was just trying to distract the God don't you?

THE END