Tropical Jurassic Park

Princess Zelda looked at the big hand grenade in her hands and felt scared.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her grand surroundings. She had always hated tropical Jurassic Park with its lonely, long lush trees. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel scared.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Captain Falcon. Captain was a sassy god with awesome legs and well-toned chest.

Princess gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a pretty, smart, tea drinker with muscular legs and lean chest. Her friends saw her as a lonely, long lawyer. Once, she had even made a cup of tea for a squiggled cucco.

But not even a pretty person who had once made a cup of tea for a squiggled cucco, was prepared for what Captain had in store today.

The rain hammered like running Tyrannosaurus, making Princess concerned.

As Princess stepped outside and Captain came closer, she could see the homely glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a hug," Captain bellowed, in a sexy tone. He slammed his fist against Princess's chest, with the force of 8468 Velociraptor. "I frigging love you, Princess Zelda."

Princess looked back, even more concerned and still fingering the big hand grenade. "Captain, we gotta kill these scaly sons o' bitches," she replied.

They looked at each other with delighted feelings, like two tart, tasteless Triceratops shooting at a very cool plane crash, which had heavy metal music playing in the background and two royal uncles chasing to the beat.

Suddenly, Captain lunged forward and tried to punch Princess in the face. Quickly, Princess grabbed the big hand grenade and brought it down on Captain's skull.

Captain's awesome legs trembled and his well-toned chest wobbled. He looked shocked, his body raw like a great, grim G36K Assault Rifle.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Captain Falcon was dead.

Princess Zelda went back inside and made herself a nice cup of tea.